Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Friendly Pigeons

When Matthew was a newborn, I really thought he could poop. But that is nothing compared to the pigeon's that live around my house. I mean, we got some serious pigeon poop on our driveway every single day.

I don't consider myself easily angered, or very likely to just explode, but there is something about those pigeons that bring out the worst in me. If I'm talking about those pigeons, there is a good chance that I'm gonna use the F word in there somewhere. Don't get me wrong, I don't really swear all that much. Also, I'm not a prude. I like hearing the F bomb dropped in gangsta rap songs as much as the next guy. But these rodents with wings really get to me.

Those funky pigeons think they own the whole neighborhood. You can't even drive into the complex without narrowly missing one of them. It is really quite scandalous. I can't stand those frat-loving birds.

My 19 month old has quite a different impression of them. Every time he sees one he starts waving his arms, jumping up and down, and screaming "brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr". I calmly say, "yep, that's a finicky pigeon". He just squeals with delight. I can't blame him. He doesn't know any better. To him it's all fun because then I get the garden hose out and spray all the poop off the driveway. He loves that because anything to do with water just makes his day.

Meanwhile, I'm muttering under my breath, "those frigid pigeons". We've put up things to try to get them to roost other places, but it seems they just move to another part of the house. When we first put spikes up to deter them from roosting right above our walk and driveway, I was somewhat optimistic. That was before one of them laid and egg and somehow it ended up on our sidewalk. You guessed it, I got the garden hose out and washed it away. Apparently fantastic pigeons are protective of their eggs, because they came swooping down at me. Luckily for them, all I had at the time was a garden hose.

Meanwhile, I've decided to stop waging war with those frenzied pigeons. I think we should take advantage of our major tourist economy here in the Las Vegas Valley and make some of the tourists a deal they cannot refuse. From now on every time somebody comes to visit, as a parting gift, they receive two pigeons. Yep. That's the plan. All tourists will now take home with them two pigeons.

Imagine it, someone comes to Vegas from Spain. As they get on the airplane to head home somebody says, "Adios! Here's your two pigeon's". And Slam! the door to the plane closes. Ahhhhhhh.......another plane full of pigeon's leaving the city. It's not like it has to be somebody from Spain, they could be from say, China. Same scenario, as they enter the aircraft somebody says, "..........................". Well, I don't have my translation dictionary with me but it ends with somebody saying, "here's your pigeons" and a door being slammed shut. It's really a win win situation. Vegas gets rid of pigeons, and everybody else goes home a winner.

Anyway, that's the view as I see it (and I got to admit, the view on the driveway is a lot clearer).

1 comment:

Marcie said...

Quote from Billy Madison: "He called the shit 'poop'!"